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-Monday, February 11, 2008-
My loyal minions!
Today we celebrate the joys of freedom with a cup of commie tea! (i'm told its chinese tea therefore it MUST be tea that communists drink!) I just read in our local tabliod "PITA are US" that the communist institute that supplies the boiling water for our wonderful commie tea is celebrating Gay Pride Week! Let me show all you tea addicts the report!
COMMUNISTS STEP OUT OF CLOSET!!!
Students in communist institute celebrate their eternal and immortal gayness!
story by: pain in your arse
When Soh Doh Mice stepped into his school today, he felt an overwhelming sense of utter bliss rush through his entire being. His eyes sparkled like, too much glitter on a painting. His face glowed, like too many facial treatments in a day. His skin tingeled, like he had been affected by the Nuclear bombs dropped in Hiroshima and Nagasaki near the end of the japanese Occupation. It was a feeling that Mr. Soh knew well...
It was his time to SHINE and step OUT of the closet!!!
Hundreds and thousands of young future communists decided to step out of their closets today in our dear communist institute. This epic and never before seen event was organised and funded by the institute's commitee. Said Mr. Quack, the Head of the institute, "*QUACK!* Erm, eberything we do, we hab a meaning behind it. Like how we make the pountain so commie-cians can destressss. We make dis, not only to let students be more bassionate about the, uh, institute, but uh also to understand the importance of resisting our obressive regime."
Mr Soh Doh Mice also quipped in, "Usually, i feel so depressed by the opressive ruling of The Men in White and their commandment "Thou must not insert thy tool into another's back door". I would always sit by the fountain to medidate and cry."
"But now i have RELEASED myself from my inhibitions!"
The school has organised several interactive activities for its commie-cians. These include practical sex-ed, a mass work out in the hall, and activities on how to spot a person with HIV.
The mass work out, however, came in 2 sessions. One was scheduled this morning at 10.45am and the other on Wednesday at 1.30pm. As residents around the communist institute have complained of the excessive noises coming from the hall which, strangely, included heavy breathing, panting and moaning, the institute has decided to open its closet doors to the public for wednesdays mass workout session and also install sound proof walls.
The practical sex-ed helped students to learn the importance of condoms and more importantly, lub. When asked why the school decided to hold the 3rd workshop, 'How to spot someone with HIV' the student council replied, "........"
"Uh... we expect an increase ob people who will be habing HIV this year ah." Said Mr. Quack, who decided to cut in all of a sudden. Unfortunaetly, he refused to elaborate further on his statement.
However, "PITA are US" managed to get an explanation from Mr Chee Po Nehneh, a self proclaimed ex-partner of Mr Quack. "Ai yah. We spend so much on that Quacks little fetishes. Where got monay to buy good condom leh? All recycled chewing gum from Thailand lah!"
Though many seem to Push their bodies to the limit in participation of the institute's Gay Pride Week, some disgrunteled individuals seem hopelessly lost in translation.
"I refuse to take part in such activities! I cannot work in such a crowded environment!" exclaimed residential prudish whore, Miss Slapmyassup Shame Nuh-uh.
"No one's approching me even though they secretly want me! They're so mean!" whined a fat ass who i couldn't bother putting down her name.
This reporter sincerely suggests that these 2 individuals may, perhaps, come together.
Grabbing my recorder frantically as i headed towards the exit, Mr. Quack commented, "AH! We Commies and we Gay! What the goberment say Nono we say Gogo! Uh, ya, thats all."
Perhaps our local communist institute has turned Queer, in more ways than one.
____________________________________________________________________
*sips tea* Ah! Wasn't that such an interesting article! However it was rather disturbing when i heard several of those commie-cians had some rather vigorous activities near the fountain which they found o-so-soothing. O well! I couldn't be bothered! We'll review some other stuff while i go order up another platter of scones for us darlings.
Toodles~!
|10:05 PM|
-Monday, February 4, 2008-
Well my dear subjects,
i'm about to tell you all a tale of woe and betrayal. A tale where lies run amok and suspicions confirmed. *sips tea* It is a tale about an Attention Seeking Disorder girl called... ASD girl. Hence, i shall forego originality and name this story "The ASD Girl".
We begin this tragedy in a certain communist institute, where a girl named "The Queen" (we shall call her "Queen" for simplicities sake. btw, she likes tea.) recently joined a class there. She then meets a girl called ASD girl and they immediately hit it off and became fast tea buddies.
One day, their Lit teacher assigned them an epic project on a classic Shakespeare tragedy "othello". Of course one would assume that ASD girl and Queen would be in on this together. However, Queen would soon encounter an event that would change her opinion of ASD forever.
Tuesday rolled around and Queen's group, consisting of ASD, honey bunny, and doggy met up to discuss the project that was due 2 days away. After completing the points, ASD girl volunteered to type out the presentation. Her reasoning being that since Wednesday was CCA day, and Queen had a royal drama production coming up, Honey Bunny had a choir performance niggling upon her tail and Doggy had to shephard a tamil drama, ASD would do it (she does not attend her CCA). Of course Queen was positively thrilled with the request and her opinion of ASD improved yet another notch.
Come Wednesday, said Queen realised that ASD girl did not come to the communist institute. Coming to the accurate conclusion that ASD must have skipped school, Queen chuckled and thought that ASD needed the rest anyway.
Thursday at 2 am. Queen woke up, having fallen asleep in her study out of sheer exhaustion from Drama. She checked her phone to realise that ASD sent her a message. Upon reading its contents, she realised that ASD had some minor glitches with the project and immediately called her. From ASD's confident tone and her insistence that everything was taken care of, Queen deduced that everything must be alright and went back to sleep.
The same day at 7am, ASD had informed Queen that the team would be meeting in the communist institute at that time. Queen only met doggy and saw the worried look upon doggy's face. From then on, Queen had a bad feeling nagging at the back of her royal mind.
ASD arrived at 7.20am, and bunny arrived soon after(honey bunny lived thousands of feet underground so its a killer to hop through all those burrows). ASD passed Queen the project with a confident smile. After reading through the project, try as she might, Queen could not return that smile. She stared at ASD incredulously, amazed that she had the cheek to look that cheerful when doomsday was upon them. Apparently sensing Queen's irritation, ASD's confident smile faltered and dissapeared completely when Queen gave her a full on glare. If looks could kill, ASD would be a very unhappy communist with a size 8 shoe sticking out of her repulsive arse. Suffice to say, ASD girl was, pardon my french (though i don't really like them), 'screwed'.
Queen found out later that ASD only completed 2 lines aka one sentence of the introdauction to the otherwise 5 page essay. She also found out the ASD had lost the information that she had painstakingly created and later passed to ASD. This coupled with ASD's ZILCH involvement earlier on gave The Queen the urge to shout "Off with her head!!!"
Whats that maria? How could she have done nothing when she had a whole day free? And yes my dear Diana? What does this have to do with her being Attention Seeking? Well my minions, i'm afraid that we'll have to save this for later on as an even greater TRAGEDY has occured!!! We have run out of tea!!!
However, never fear! I shall embark this instance on the perilous quest to obtain tea! *waves hand daintily* Waiter! Tea!
Until we obtain our new pot of tea then. I have to go pee. Ta ta~!
|1:15 PM|
-Thursday, January 31, 2008-
Hello my loyal subjects.
Yes, its a new year, with a new environment and new situations! The agony of it all!
Not one month has passed and i've been bombarded with such overly dramatic situations.
Take for example an ASD (Attention Seeking Disorder) friend lying about her traumatic past just to win sympathy?
Or perhaps the head of a communist institute proclaiming fountains were more important than air-cons as they 'desssstressssed students'.
And you just know that the student council's heading down the drain when their head of image cannot speak proper english to save his life!
All this and MORE revolving around me, just waiting for me to bitch about them over a nice hot cup of tea and a plate of scones.
I'll be back with more tea and bitching soon.~
Labels: queen bitch tea scones british drama
|9:15 PM|
Name : Your Royal Highness
Age : A proper lady does Not reveal her age.
Job : Acting Important and Sipping Tea Daintily
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